Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Define friends.

I used to thought that she would be the one after her.
But obviously not.
What I thought stays as what I thought, it didn't become real.
When did we met? Probably when we was in form 3, in the same class.
I was never close with her during form 3, I had my own gang and our seats were kinda far away.
Until then, we became classmates again during form 4.
It shocked me when she posted on my wall saying that she's excited to be in the same class with me again and stuffs.
Cause we were never close.
So we started as friends and became closer and closer.
In two years time, we became close friends, but we don't really talk about our real problems or secrets.
We just hang out together and have fun, but not heart to heart talk.
We actually had our heart to heart talk this year.
Just few weeks ago.
She talks about her ex, I talk about my so called love story HAH.
Talk about studies, friends and stuff.
I started thinking, probably she would be my second closest friend.
Until today we had a fight.
It wasn't a big deal actually.
I was never someone's first choice.
And I was mad at her because she had to dump us, and goes out with her friends.
It's not literally dump, but to me still it's because we are her second choice, so she decided to go out with her friends than going out with us.
She was angry and mad at the word 'dump' that I used it to describe her action.
Oh well, it's your choice to go out with anyone you want, I can't control you.
I just somehow felt kinda sad.
Probably because of this fight we would stop talking or something?
Way too emotional these days.
I wasn't really mad at her for choosing her friends than us.
I was just a little unhappy.
Because cases like this always happen to me.
Such a sad case.

Maybe I should think what have I done wrong. Karma maybe?
Nah doesn't matter anymore.

Gonna take my spm results tomorrow. Wish me luck!
I really do need alot of luck.
Straight As would be kinda impossible for me to get it. Sigh.

Sometimes when I need someone to talk to, you're not there.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

曾经的迷惘。

心中正在呐喊着,什么。
毫无头绪,散乱的步伐。
那梦魇,挥之不去。
不停的逃避,却发现原来一直如影子般跟随着。
彷徨,无助,是最真实的写照。
自己果然很在乎,不是吗?
毫无意外的发现自己在他人心中,仅仅是个过客。
那是非笔墨能形容的感受。
也许是害怕,不愿承认自己其实并不重要。
同时小心翼翼的想要让他把自己放入心中。
不,自己还是毫无资格的。
不了解,又何来爱?
这样的胡言乱语,是否能够让我心,舒坦些?

那两日的梦就彻底证实了原来自己一直对于那件事很牵挂于心。
已经知道不会有结果的事,也应该结束了吧?
但为何我还是依旧奋不顾身的想要更了解你,更亲近你?

11月尾,笔。

前几日跟学哥聊了一些。
他,一直一直都在。
谢谢你。:)
即使有了距离,即使你知道我已经不怎么可能毫无保留的告诉你一切,你仍然愿意。
除了感激,我还是感激。

只是突然发现一切真的结束了。
过去了。
It's over.