Summary of few months life

Yep am back from Japan backpacking trip.
Nothing much went through my mind before going there tho, i don't know why either.
It seemed like for this trip it differed much with my previous Taiwan trip. Can't really state out the exact difference but uhhuh it just felt different lol. Perhaps it's because i still haven fully mastered Japanese language yet, thus created a distance between me and the people there.
Sigh anyway i'm gonna start my uni really soon, I don't even know whether this is the right course to choose.
Spent so much recently..........................
I just can't bear to see my savings shrink so much omg. It shrunk anyway bye all my $$.
After Japan trip i bought a laptop for uni use, so yeah.
For Japan trip i have actually thought of opening up a new blog to write up about some of the details & perhaps guides but i'm so-so-so lazy to do it.
I had a dream the other night HAHAHA, a weird one.
In the dream i'm actually dating with an actor AHHAHAHAHA, and the actor is from the drama i watched recently.
Felt so real tho that i couldn't actually get over it after waking up lol.
I think i changed a lot throughout the year, which i don't really know it is for the best or not.
After a levels ended around last year nov, i started working in Dec to raise money for my Taiwan trip.
I ended my job few days before i went Taiwan, and prepared for the trip. But i was already preparing the trip while working in Dec, so mainly for the last few days before leaving for Taiwan i was just busy looking for some extra info.
Still, for Taiwan trip i did not actually prepared exact itinerary tho, even when i was there i still spent some time to research how to go here and there.
Just that for most of the days i have already booked hostels/couchsurf. Mmh, so i went Taiwan for about 16 days, came back around end of Jan, if i'm not mistaken it's around 22nd of Feb.
Then after rested a few days, i started looking for a job, since that i would actually have to wait for a few months before starting my degree course. So I found a job at TC, at first i applied for customer service, but there is no slot at the location i wanted, so they asked if i would be alright with the position of telemarketing, I accepted it and went for the interview.
It was kinda in a rush tho, if i'm not mistaken on the day i messaged that person, i went for the interview LOL.
And i have never really made a resume previously, so i just took some time to do some research online, made the resume kinda last minute, then went for the interview.
I didn't really prepare for the interview actually........but i saw online some people said that they will ask about your weakness, your positives sides, so in the train while going to the office i just try to figure something out.
In the end they did ask the question, so i just answered it, but i think i was a little bit nervous that time tho.
They also asked about stuff like, working here would be stressful as you need to do sales, how would you release stress stuffs like that.
I was interviewed twice, by two different leaders.
Of course, the second one who interviewed me became my leader hehe.
Previously i told them i will only be working there for three months tho, cause at first i thought my course would be starting in May.
Ended up i worked there for about half a year.
So yeah after the interview was done, the told me to wait for calls from them, they will let me know whether i'm employed or not.
I went for a walk at KLCC after the interview, and i received a call i think a few hours later, saying that i'm employed.
Can't really remember what I felt that time, but I think I didn't felt much HAHA just as per normal lolol.
Yea by then i started my second full time job.
In between i had a trip with my friend to Bangkok too, if i didn't went with her to Bangkok, i actually had plans of going to HK as my second solo trip tho.
But anyway i went Bangkok and had fun huhuhuhu.
Later, I found out that the air ticket to Japan was really cheap, so i bought it.
Sound so easy but i hesitated for quite some time also.
I worked really hard to save up all the money for my trips, no matter for Taiwan trip, Bangkok trip or Japan trip, for all of it i spent my own hard earned money.
So sometimes i would actually get a lil frustrated when people say that i spend my parents money or say that i'm rich.
Nope, sorry to disappoint you but no i do not spend my parents money for my trips and i'm not rich.
Previously during my Taiwan trip, i had a talk with a French girl, she also had people around her saying the same thing and disregarded all her hard work, she is kind of used to it already and said not to be bothered about it.
I guess i wouldn't be able to go for trip for quite some time, felt kinda sad T_T
For the 10 months working & travelling, i think i have lost contact with some of my close friends hahahah.
I was so busy that i didn't really put much effort to keep up with some of them............
My job ended on last day on Aug, then i had one day to pack up and some last minute preparation for my trip.
Flew over to Vietnam first, transited from there to Japan, so i had the most memorable, nope most unsecured day while sleeping in Vietnam airport.
Yes i slept in the airport, at some random window............................
Then i flew to Japan on the next morn, and came back to Vietnam for transit again.
Back home around mid of Sept, and rested for about 5 days i guess, and i started working AGAIN, for another part time job.
It is working hour tho, which is 9 to 5.
So early and i'm not a morning person T_T difficult life just to earn money sigh sigh.
The job ended few days ago, and now i'm preparing for my uni stuff, bank stuff, ptptn stuff and so much more to do.
Uni life will be starting in two weeks time tho, gotta do it faster.
Can't really say that i'm anticipating but not that i'm not looking forward for it but just, i left college for quite some time so yeahhhhhh nervous perhaps.
Wish me luck for the uni life, hope i wouldn't become some weird freak or meet some weird freak.
27/9/2016 Tue
凌晨 0353

過去。現在。未來

過去似乎很遙遠，現在似乎不夠真實，未來是否太接近。
也不知道最近自己的生活究竟是怎樣，就只是拼命的在做工賺錢，似乎初衷已不在。
那個地方，找不到屬於自己的位置，一個落腳地。
處於在一群認識的人之中，卻感到迷茫，慌亂，無助。
這也許就是孤單的感覺，就是身邊有一萬個認識的人，仍然沒有安全感。
甚至在那一瞬間完全迷失了自己，幾乎想自甘墮落。
有些時候我會想，遇見他以及不遇見他，我會選擇哪一個。
可是到頭來，這些飄渺無虛的東西根本不重要。
生活塌了一瞬間，但是現在已經回到原本的模樣。
但也許若干年後，有一天我會想起他，還有那些令我迷茫的時光，還有帶我走出那段日子的人。
公司，同事。
我從很久很久很久以前就知道，朋友跟同事是不一樣的。
就如公事與私事是不一樣的。
所以也許就因為這樣，我不曾真正付出真心，結果自己被自己隔離了。
自己隔離了他們，然後自己覺得委屈。
我覺得人類真的很矛盾。
但是慢慢久而久之，我也是有感情的，也許現在算好點了吧。
介意與不介意其實沒什麼，只是事到如今也要明白什麼是捍衛自己，該如何捍衛自己了。
活著其實不容易，我知道世界上有很多很多很多人比我辛苦，比我不如意，比我慘。
只是我覺得有些時候情緒管理真的不能看一個人有多慘來決定的，一個一億富翁也許也是會擁有憂鬱症。
我的情緒真的有時候很起伏不定，當然不至於嚴重到自殘什麼的，那些對我來說太痛了..............
所以我還在學習，讓自己活得快樂點，至少情緒上不會那麼辛苦。
I love everyone who loves me.
我曾經很缺愛，就很缺愛咯想Paktoh lor誰叫我的荷爾蒙發作哈哈哈，但是現在對我來講這些其實真的nothing, it feels like nothing to me.
就現在完全沒有什麼感覺了，我覺得很像真的可以出家做尼姑了 how................
嗯就這樣廢話完了。
祝這個月 hit 到 sales 有 commission please 我需要3000塊 TT
話說我已經從台灣一個人的背包旅行回來啦，猜猜我的下一站是哪裡嘿嘿。

14/5/2016 Sat
凌晨 0447

Struggles

Haven't been blogging for quite some time and I'm back yay.
FINALLY I'm done with all the economic society shits yo.
Even tho my last event was just right before my trials but it's alright.
So for the last event we sold breads, fried beehoon and nasi lemak to those Foundation and a levels new intake students.
Sadly we didn't manage to sell off everything and we even made losses.
So we distributed all those food but why just why people don't wanna take free food?!
IT'S FREE man.
Lol anyway yeah we distributed all the food.
On that particular day there's this guy who helped out even tho he's not from economic society.
Feeling really thankful and wanna express my gratitude towards him so much.
Okay so that day he fetched me back and the other day he fetched my friend and I to lrt station.
I admit that I'm interested in him at the beginning but soon I realised that our personalities just don't suit each other.
But somehow I just don't know how to make it clear to him without being too frank.
So probably I should just go with the flow eh.
Back to the topic, so I gave a speech on that day to those new students.
Not really speech but just talked for few minutes on stage.
There are around 900+ person in the hall and I'm so darn freaking nervous but still I succeed in giving my speech.
Although my voice is too soft but nevermind at least I didn't shiver on stage or forget my speech.
That's it for the last event of economic society. However there's still AGM before I officially get the burden off my shoulder.

Anyway I'm having my AS now, not AS trials..........it's too fast that I can't even.
Two papers I had was quite okay, at least I'm sure that I won't fail for those LOL.
Still have few more papers to go, wish me luck & pray for me please. 😢

Actually what I wanna talk about is not whatever I mentioned above.
Lately I've been struggling alot trying to figure out what life is and what's the purpose of living.
I'm so lost that I just don't know what to do with my life.
People might thought that I'm so darn freaking depressed if I posted thoughts like this on insta or fb.
I'm not depressed, I'm lost.
It's probably what everyone would go through in their life for at least once.
But probably they'll just let it pass without figuring out the answer for those questions.
Up until now, all I could think of is to repay what your parents gave you.
But I just don't know man, sometimes I wish I'm not bornt so I wouldn't have this struggle.
My gp lecturers taught us about a topic related to suicide, it says that a person would show signs to the people surrounding them before they suicide, it's a cry for help.
As for people who are determined to die, they wouldn't do it as they're determined to die lol.
Well I did thought of the ways to suicide before, but just the ways lol I never thought of suiciding okay chill.
It's just that seeing so many people suffering in their life yet they still try their best to live, so why should I suicide when I don't even suffer as much as them.
But I still can't get the point of living though.
It's like everyone wanna be successful, but hello what's the point of being successful? As long as you have sufficient money to live, and you're with your family then it's good enough.
No matter how much money you earned, you can't bring it into your coffin anyway.
What's the point of earning so much money then?
So yea idk what's the point of having a levels exam when all I do is memorise and oh to score well in exam. Why should people be upset till they have to suicide because of their results? I just don't understand.
You just failed in your exams not your life.
Getting a degree and get a job and earn money.
It's just like a cycle urh I'm so sick and tired of it.
Why can't we just enjoy life instead of doing things that we don't wanna do.
Thought of travelling alone next year after my A levels exams end but parents don't let sigh.
Still trying hard to convince them tho.
Travelling definitely needs money sigh so I'm gonna work during my Sem breaks 😥
Reality is still reality, everything needs money yo.
That's it for today, wish me luck for my next paper on Wednesday 😭

9/5/2015 Sat
下午 1659

Everything is new.

So much to do, yet not much time left.
Wasted a lot of time doing nothing for past few weeks/months and I'm regretting it now.
Sigh college gonna start in a week, or probably two weeks time.
Gotta pack my stuff and bring it to hostel on 28th April, or latest by that weekend.
Since I'm moving to a new house I had to pack all my stuff too.
I've already stayed in this house for 17 years!
And now I had to move to a new house :(
Kinda 不舍得 cause I really love my house it's comfy and nice and everything is awesome yoooo.
But too bad the bad bad bad 屋主 forced us to move out since they wanna renovate it.
So yeah daddy mommy bought a new house and we gotta move into that house latest by this month.
Because the 屋主 gonna kick us out if we don't, HAH.
But seriously my room in the new house is superbly small I can't even have a proper table in my room.
Don't even have space to walk.
Serious shit.
My sis and brother they had a bigger room. Whyyyyyyy
Oh nooooo there's so much to pack how am I supposed to pack it within a week T_T
And the famine 30 thingy I started to have stuff to do ohno.
Oh yeah I think I didn't mention it before that I got the assistant secretary post.
Yeah I got it. Though a little disappointed that I didn't get the secretary post, but I'm still grateful that I got chosen for assistant sec. :)
Get a new partner and as always, gotta tolerate with people.
Luckily the partner had experience because she was the secretary for another famine 30 camp last year.
Yayz, imma lucky kid hohoho

I gotta mention something really unlucky that happened to me!
Some random bee came and stung me in MY ROOM.
It hurts so much and I was so shocked and afraid so I burst into tears right after I called my daddy.
Oops sorry might sounds abit kiddy but yeah I'm frigging afraid of insects.
And I was scared that the bee is poisonous or smth.
Hahaha. But yeah I'm still alive so it doesn't have poison I guess.
It was pretty scary though.
Luckily I survived! Yay but it's kinda embarrassing because after so many years it was somehow my first time crying infront of my parents. Or family.
Hahahaha.

I tried to read the A levels syllabus but oh well I couldn't understand a single shit yay.
My English was too weak to understand those shit...........
What to do sigh. Otoke? :(
Oops too much Korean dramas hahah.
And I think I had to get the A levels text books by myself LOL.
But seriously idk where or who would sell it sigh.
Someone sell it to me please?
But I heard that the text books are kinda expensive, around 100++ for one.
Ahhhhhhh so much problems.
I think I should get a new specs already my eyesight are getting worse omg.
College gonna start but I'm not prepared for it.
I'm not prepared for anything.
I saw his photo, well I didn't expect to see it though.
Was a little relieved hahaha but it doesn't matters to me anymore.
Used to matter, but now no.

Nights, gotta sleep now. ♡

22/4/2014 Tue
凌晨 0122

A good start, probably.

On the day when we were getting our SPM results, I saw her.
Well of course she's with her friend.
The one that she decided to go with her.
Hmm actually it doesn't bothers me anymore.
This incident actually happened to me once, with the other person.
But until now, I'm still really close with that person. I'm glad that till now I still have her :)
I have actually doubted if I should give up on that friendship but luckily,  I didn't do it.
That's all about it. Not a big deal though.
So yeah she went off with her friend & and I went for my driving class.
Oh yeah I lost my phone.  Like literally lost it.
Dropped it and someone took it.
Because that person offed the phone zzz. Idiotic shit why the hell you steal my phone.
It's not even IPhone or any latest smart phone damn you man seriously.
So I went for driving lesson & before that the uncle only had to fetch me to school.
But he changed his mind because I lost my phone can't contact my parents to fetch me home from school. He waited for me while I take my spm results & fetched me back home at last :)
He's such a good uncle! Glad that I had such a good driving instructor :)
I GOT 9 As.  5A, 4A-,1B+.
Felt really grateful that I got 9 As.
I wouldn't say that my hard work pays off because I didn't actually worked hard.
Overstressed myself during spm and didn't really studied much.
But still I felt a little disappointed cause I got B+ for add maths.
And I didn't get any A+ sigh.
The worst thing is I can't get any scholarship using this results sighhh.
Can't lessen the burden for my family :(
I registered for A levels at TARC already.
I pledge that I would work hard and get good results.
No more slacking, no more playing around.  Time to be serious.
I should not will not procrastinate anymore.
Cause it's A levels so I can't get any loans nor scholarship sigh.
So yeah gotta work hard!
Shouldn't be bothered by small small matters anymore.
Or maybe shouldn't be in a relationship yet LOLOL hahah dk man.

Heh went ou the other day to work.
My job scope was to help people to print out photos & post it on Facebook if they're willing to.
This was a Nestlé roadshow.
Kinda big though. Met a brainless partner lol ok maybe not.
I was frustrated cause she talked bad about me, and her attitudes toward me.
She often talks to me in a rude way & I HATE IT.
I seriously hate it when people talk to me in a rude way.
Dude did you parents taught you to respect people? Can't you like speak in a polite way?
Hmm probably it's my fault because I always day dream while working lolol kay nvm.
Oh and the one I'm obsessed to is working in ou also HAHA.
So erm I actually asked him to have dinner/lunch with me and take photo at my photo booth.
GUESS WHAT?  HE CAME HEHEH and find me during his break.
So I decided to go for break with him so erm we went to eat dinner I think?  Cause it's around 5.
We talked a lot,  like literally a lot during the dinner haha.
Not very awkward though.  Lucky that it's not awkward haha I thought it'll be awkward :p
So yeah time passes really fast then we finished our dinner.
Idk what made me so brave,  but I told him hey we haven take photo yet.
It's around 6 already so I guess you have to go back already right?
He said no la i still have some time.
We went to take photo and he left after that hahah.
A good start, probably?

But too bad I started being not that obsessed with him already LOLOL.
Heh anyways still he started replying my message and not ignoring my msg anymore yay ^^

Bought few stuff yesterday and spent damn a lot of money.
A black jegging from padini which costs 60 bucks. Sienz cause I didn't have a proper and comfortable black pants.
Bought a bag for 55 bucks sigh used up over 100 already.
And a black shoe from voir luckily it costs only 23 heh.
Spending money like water zzz. Gotta control myself already.
Paid A levels first sem fees yesterday.
Spending money everywhere argh.

梦醒了。

做了两个月的工。
前面一个月都浑浑噩噩的这样过了。同时很开心。
到了二月，突然什么都变了。
只是不懂得。罢了。
跟学记去了适耕庄。嗯自己看海的感觉其实不错。
感觉整个世界就剩下了我一个人。
骑了脚踏车。虽然过马路那些一直感觉好像自己会车祸那样的事最后还是活着回来了。
回来之后跟同事的关系依然如此的好。
只是这一两个星期突然发现所谓的美好不过是个假象。
我第一个月总是在想，这样的生活似乎太美好了。
美好得毫无瑕疵，似乎是个梦。
结果就在这第二个月我就梦醒了。
瞬间一切一切都变坏了。
适耕庄回来发现他们似乎拍拖了？...
算了也不可能再那么常见面了。
然后对于你我也不懂算是什么所以我也不知道要怎样所以也就这样。
一个星期前同事突然告诉我另一个同事（跟我很好的还给了她年饼的LOL ）背后说不喜欢我。
那个时候觉得还好只是有点伤心因为明明跟我那么好的人竟然这样。
好双面。
之后再发生偷窃事件就觉得无语无奈无言。
同事之间为什么要勾心斗角。
为什么要每句话都带根刺。
为什么要前面好好后面就多多话。
为什么会有这种没良心好朋友都出卖的人。（听说同事跟另一个同事的东西）
瞬间觉得社会太可怕，太恶心了。
有必要闹到这样的场面吗？
我天天上班都要对着他们笑我觉得好辛苦。
我不懂他们哪一句话是真的，哪一句话是假的。
每次说话要小心翼翼好辛苦。我不懂谁可以信任。
我爸说这个是给我训练。
不是很想要这样的训练。我可以不要出社会吗？
好可怕。

It's like a drama.
I can't seem to trust anyone & i have no idea who should i trust.
Why did all these happened?
Those people which i used to trust, close to, became those people that talked bad about me.
And so i wont regret for my decision to quit this job.
I gotta learn to be strong.
Soon everything will be alright. Hopefully.

Nights :)

27/2/2014 Thu
半夜 0018

信任。

说实话我有点惊讶于你的变化==
好吧从一开始来说我真的不明白你要表达的是什么。可能我真的是迟钝==++
我很犹豫那是否只是我自己想太多，因为我们的交集貌似称不上多？
只是到后来你整个人的说话语调变了，一直刺刺的。
你说的话太深奥了我要想很久才可以回复 /.\
也许我没有经历过你所经历的所以我没有什么资格说什么。
有时候不是每个人都是坏，都是虚假，都是不能信的。
我也是不会轻易去信任别人的一个人。只是我是为了保护自己。
我会选择去相信一两个我觉得可以去信任的人，然后告诉他/她我的想法/秘密等等。
如果他/她背叛了我，我会对自己说，那是一个成长的时候会经历的过程。
我没有说我不信任你，同时我没有说过我信任你。
因为我还不知道你是否是那一个我可以全心全意去信任的人。
我希望也许有一天你真的能去感受别人对你的好，即使只是一个微笑。
我不是一个很好的人，我很自私我很霸道很任性很固执很麻烦偶尔很虚假。
就如你说的每个人都有必要虚假的时刻，我也是这样。
但是我不会随意去伤害任何一个人，这是我的承诺。
信不信由你。
也许你会很不屑于我所说的，不过这些是我的真心话。
说不要对号入座但是我还是呃想对号入座一次
如果真的只是过客我会很敷衍或者很干脆的不回复你。也不会在犹豫许久后打了这篇呃我不觉得你会看的东东。

培训营。-团结-

今天是我进营的第三天。
其实这三天真的很悠闲，无聊到我不懂要做什么。现在甚至有时间睡觉，呃好吧是因为我不想看游戏。
而且很眼睡。感觉上是越悠闲就越容易觉得疲倦唉。
做了纪念品给学妹们呵呵。设计是我提议的，不过实行的大多是我的partner. 我有画还有laminate啦，但是剪出来那些就比较多partner在做。因为我左手剪出来的东西很难看的 (泪奔
对于改革，嗯有点不适应。
在营内听了某个学哥的话，不能说我完全赞同，但是大多都觉得是事实。
这样的改革会否过于仓促？即便如此，现在在多的话也没用了。 只能做好现在吧。
这些天在营内的时候心情很差，一直都觉得很不爽。
这次营我竟然来那个== 倒霉到啊啊啊啊啊。结果整个人很不舒服很辛苦，因为会痛。所以就心情很不好？应该吧。
然后那个纪念品有个人要帮我们做，其实我想拒绝的，毕竟觉得自己做比较有诚意而且自己比较了解如何做。
但最后没有拒绝到因为我不会拒绝。学不会拒绝的人的后果就是纪念品几乎被毁掉。
好吧好心帮忙是一回事，帮倒忙是另一回事。然后就她帮忙剪了那个纪念品，但是跟我们所说的尺寸不一样。我很记得我的partner有说到那个尺寸是怎样的，结果她剪成那样。
我很火大，超火大的。因为这个是我们给我们的学妹最后一个纪念品来的，然后就这样，让我们绞尽脑汁想办法解决那个问题。
罢了，也许是我的错，一开始不该心软让她帮我们做。
这次就算了，到了另一次我们要修剪这个纪念品的时候，她竟然还提出要帮忙。而且是那种叫我不要做给她做那种。当然我拒绝了。这是我们给我们学妹的，如果她要给就自己做自己的，不要来打扰我们吧。== 因为真的很严重pekcek她了。
当然最后我们解决了那个问题。也不算解决啦，只是让它看起来不那么丑而已 LOL。
想说那一晚的事情。
那天我们凌晨在跟学弟妹开会说谁要做协调员。竟然没人，一个都没有。感觉很挫败的说。
而且我们一直在讲协调员的东西的时候大家都一直面无表情，搞到我很...无法形容我的感受。
不过幸好分享会的时候差不多全部学妹都有哭 :p 除了一个，她说她没有感觉....那时是我觉得要哭了==
因为那时是叫她们说一整年来的感想。
然后离营的时候我很想跟那个很可爱的学弟拥抱的！！(果然太dry了
可惜没有拥抱到 TT 虽然听起来我很像在发娇但是绝对不是 xD
只是看到美好的人想要去拥抱罢了哈哈哈。然后原本那个伟哥是在我的区的 TT 结果他竟然换区了唉。可惜啊可惜，不然一定有很多经典的事情在我的区发生嘿嘿。
噢离营的时间是晚上7点30分。我严重质疑他们的办事效率。营员2点多就离营了，竟然拖到这么就才收拾好。重点是我的离营时间也是跟他们一样 TT 到家的时候9点多晚上了啊啊啊啊啊啊。比较可悲的是唉我走的时候只有一个学妹跟我讲byebye== 人缘不好啊。还有那群我的同届当然也有跟我讲byebye，除了营中 TT (泪奔
好吧废话太多了LOL。总之这是我的最后一个营啦，很多回忆的一个营www

一半是在营内写的，一半是在家写的啦啦啦。
18/12/13 Wed
晚上 2041

不堪。

I have no idea what to do.
Have to admit that I started to feel scared. I'm afraid.
I really do.
Counting down. Day by day.
Just few more days to go.
But I'm not prepared at all, NOT AT ALL.
When people asked what have I studied, I didn't know what to answer.
I don't even know what I'm doing these few days.
Not enough time already.
What should I do now?

I felt so insecure.
Sigh. Who do I mean to you actually?
Too much stuff. Bothering me, distracting me.
I feel like running away.
Dad came back already. Mom didn't know what to say to me already.
I'm a bad bad bad kid.
Add maths is killing me. I spent all my time doing add math and didn't bother to care about bm or sej or eng or even accounts.
Damn.
I should chill now, and start to study.
Few more days.

说实话原来是这样的，那种感受。
如果真的就这样结束了，我该怎么办？
自己的心，连自己都不清楚呢。
究竟自己要的是什么，想的是什么？！乱。
现在不是时候。
很心烦很担忧很思念很慌乱很无助。
但你不在，一直都。
我无法向任何人诉说我的担忧我的惊慌我的无助只能装作我很好。
罢了。就是这样，才能成长不是吗？

迷茫。迷惘。

那一夜，情断。

题记••••••••• 若那一夜，你能忘了我，那该多好。

昨夜在我很忙的时刻，你来找我了。
也许我该如往常一样无视你，但不知怎的我却做不到。
呵呵，是怀念吗？可能。
只是想单纯的聊着，以朋友而不是暧昧不清。
不清不楚绝对不是我想要的。
对于我而言，没有什么比成绩更重要。
似乎过了大半年。想起那段嗯，更加纠缠不清，却最终被我了断的。
也许对于你我并不是无情。
只可惜你总是过于花心，那是我所感受到的。
毕竟你面书上充满了女生的话语，我就会想到你对于每个女生应该都是这样的吧。
对于你的不熟悉，也是个障碍。
我是个没有安全感的女生，所以这样的你，嗯就算有情我也会放弃。
我要的是份踏踏实实的感情，而不是那种年轻鲁莽乱七八糟最后没有结局的感情。
你给不了我，因为我可以很清楚的感受到你依旧不够成熟。

但当你告诉我那句话时，哪怕过了那么久，我的心还是狠狠的颤抖了一下。
动摇了吗？一些些吧，我依然能够克制。理智，从来不会离去。
你说会到台湾去的那一刻，说实话我就已经决定了。

忘了我吧。

人生，第一次。

虽然说明天还有预考我不应该在这里但是还是写一个超短篇的吧。
就突然很想写。 今天看到了我高数补习老师的儿子，很帅啊啊啊啊。
超级像angmo,也就是外国人。他的鼻子很美很高嘿嘿。（众：你变态！
但是被我姐打断然后我就没有心情写了 :(
唉还是继续写吧。
感觉上今年的我比去年开朗了很多。
基本上前几年我伪装快乐伪装得好辛苦。
几年前的泪嗯都消失不见了。
也许是很坦白很痛快的对着大家哭了一场吧。我觉得坦诚真的很重要。
今年的我在很努力的改变。
我要变成一个嗯，怎么说？总之就是变啦。
呵呵开始跟很多人都有了交谈。
虽然说负面的东西还是有。
但是只要很小心翼翼的不要把它放大就行了。
大事化小小事化无。
很努力的在学习中。当了联谊会说实话看到了很多。
每每他们在说的时候就只是静静的听着。不想给予任何的意见。
无论是有意见或无意见都好。也许是我胆小不敢说，也可能是我不愿意说。
随缘吧。
有些事情不要过于执着就好啊。
认认真真痛痛快快的过完这一辈子就行。不要感叹命运的不公。
人生就是要来享受的。不是来受苦的。
虽然说我依然在受苦当中.........
但我会很努力的把它变成一种享受。
就好象有人说过只要那份工作是你的兴趣，那样对你来说不是一份工。
而是一种享受。
对于未来仍然迷迷糊糊的我，嗯不知道该怎么选择。
船到桥头自然直。想那么多也没用啊啊。
现在的我变得很开心。不会无时无刻在感到悲伤之类的。
也许是放下了，不再那么的执着吧。
一直以来考试都很奋力读书，除了这次-.-
就是不懂为什么啊啊。我会努力的。
我并没有很聪明的头脑，也不想作弊。
但会尽量做到最好的。
依然会很单纯的我。也许某天会很怀念吧。
还未出社会就让我继续的单纯下去吧。
很想什么都不知道，什么都忘掉。

人生本来就喜怒无常，不然什么叫人生。
要活得精彩些。
说实话我觉得我的中学生活很精彩。
第一次，我参加了学记。
第一次，我去了辩论比赛。
第一次，我们赢了。虽然只是初赛，但对我来说还是很值得怀念。
第一次，我入围了最佳辩论员。
第一次，我成为了辅导员，认识了很多小孩，学习耐心的对待他们。
第一次，我带着一堆行李上公共交通。
第一次，我在营里面4天三夜哭了将近3天。
第一次，我在厕所冲凉那么快。（笑
第一次，我的报道上了报纸还有学海。
第一次，我去了全国营认识了小梁还有晓丝。其他的逐渐疏离。
第一次，在全国营被吓到 。（一开始的时候）完全没有玩过的游戏。
第一次，我去竞选协调员还当上了协调员。
第一次，我在food republic那么多人的地方教导你们做计划书。而且是站在前面。
第一次，认识了那一堆很可爱又很气人的学妹们。
第一次，我们去专题报道的时候冒着雨跑来跑去找巴士等taxi.
第一次，我在你们的面前崩溃了。说出心底的话。结果说到一半竟然发现有学哥姐在偷窥-.-
第一次，我们一起去了槟城。我们搭ktm, 我们骑脚踏车，我们14个人睡一间房间。
第一次，我跟男生share口水 LOL 还有睡同一张床 （请不要想歪==
第一次，我发现骑脚踏车被人载其实没有想象中的浪漫只有害怕。好吧也许有但是跟他们是不会有的 xD (不要打我
第一次，半夜一点去吃mamak，然后见证了学哥的milo tarik。
第一次，我们去极乐寺。爬了那么高。拍了好多好多的照片留恋。
第一次，我们三个坐国刚的车去ktm (我觉得很历史性一下orz
第一次，我去了花踪，认识了平路老师还有很多很多的老师。
第一次，我对华文改观了，对文学有了兴趣。
第一次，我创作并投稿了。虽然并不知道会不会登唉。
第一次，我自己一个人去看恐怖片片，而且左右两旁都没人那种。觉得自己很白痴为什么特地去买隔壁没有人的位置啊啊啊啊。
第一次，自己搭巴士去逛街。
第一次，自己跟自己去看电影。
第一次，自己在书店看完了一本书然后就省下了买书的一笔钱LOL
第一次，自己搭lrt到central market. （虽然现在常常自己去了- -
第一次，自己在kl自己乱乱走。
第一次，自己和学校同学到kl 乱走。然后寻找美食w
第一次，自己的名字出现在confession page >>>没错就是告白 = = （还是不懂是谁
第一次，自己有了笔友。
第一次，我去了饥饿30，跟他们一起领养了5个孩子 :')
第一次，我去了朋友（学记）的家过夜/sleepover. (父母不给的
第一次，我去了BIGBANG concert，也是我第一次去演唱会。 至今无法忘怀。若有机会也许还会去一次吧。很开心可以见到自己的偶像，真的。虽然花了不少钱.........
第一次，我为了要站在好的位置早上大概8点就到了stadium 外面等晚上8点开场的演唱会。

有太多太多的第一次了。
也许某天我会展开我的环球之旅。
那便是我最想要体会到的，第一次。
超短篇变成超长篇了。但是我爽就行了呵呵。

继续预考。w

lovess,

angie.